The Story of Why the MASSIVE is So Massive
by OddGodHMK
Summary: Ever wondered why the MASSIVE is so huge? Well, there's a story behind it, involving Almighty Tallest Miyuki and compensation for something. It's a one-shot, please R&R! Thanks to CSM for the idea.


The Story of Why the MASSIVE is So Massive  
  
A/N - So, today I was talking to Celestial Star Mali [great gal, by the way]. Anyways, while chatting, this great idea for a fanfic came, but she couldn't write it. So, with her permission, I'm writing the fanfic. And guess what? It's a ONE-SHOT! Man, I love these. So, anyways, hopefully you'll find this funny. Enjoy!  
  
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Ever wonder why Irken's have such a huge ship? A lot of people have. Well, I guess I'd better take the time out of my busy schedule to tell you the story of why the MASSIVE is so massive. This story goes all the way back to when Almighty Tallest Miyuki reigned, bless her soul...  
  
- - - - -  
  
Miyuki sighed as she sat in her chair in the tiny ship she always flew in. God, it was tiny! And when I say tiny, man, do I mean TINY! It might be kinda bigger than a house, but I don't reckon much bigger. It was THAT small.  
  
Anyways, Miyuki sighed to herself as she sat in her chair. She was very sad. You see, the poor Tallest had to find love. Like, you know, real love, not the stuff they sell in those boxes. Ever seen those boxes? Red? Yeah, them. Not like the love they sell in those boxes. REAL love. And Miyuki was nowhere near to finding it. And she had to find a mate, to get more DNA to put into a Smeet so it could become the next Tallest!  
  
"Bah," she muttered to herself.  
  
"What is it me-lord?" asked a little Irken pilot, working the controls. Miyuki looked up and stared at him.  
  
"Hey! Don't bother me while I'm in my room!" she cried.  
  
"It would possibly help if you had WALLS. You know, 'cos... Yeah, that'd help. Probably a lot more than a bit," said the pilot. Miyuki grunted and sighed, looking into her feet.  
  
- - - - -  
  
This next bit is kinda long and boring, so I figured what I'd kinda do was skip it. See, it's lovey-dovey and stuff, and dirty stuff happ- Oh. You wanna read it don't ya? I knew this would end up happening... Okay, fine, I'll post the dirty bit, if I really MUST.  
  
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The male Miyuki was in love with kissed her cheek.  
  
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Ooo, dirty eh? Oh... Probably not. Well, that's about as dirty as it gets. Anyways, moving on.  
  
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So, after Miyuki fell in love, she had to follow Irken policy, and it was Irken policy to look at the male's... THING after you fell in love. As luck had it, Miyuki had fallen in love with the record-holder on Irk, and he had the planet's largest... THING. So, that day, a crowd gathered, as Miyuki was to look at his... THING in public. She was nervous, but I don't blame her. I mean, RECORD-HOLDER. She wants to be careful it doesn't slap her as the breeze blows, if it's that big.  
  
Miyuki stared. "It's... A bit... Kind of small, isn't it?" said Miyuki, cocking her head from side to side, trying to make it look bigger.  
  
"Small? SMALL!?" cried the male. [I'm getting bored of typing 'the male'. Let's call him... Bogbrush. Wait... Bleech. That'll do. His name is Bleech.] "Man! I'm goddamn HUGE! You wanna see me when I get excited!"  
  
Miyuki looked at him. "How'd I get you excited? I mean, if it's that great, then yeah, I better get you excited."  
  
Bleech thought for a second. "I guess you could always... You know... Give me a quick flash, maybe?" he asked, giggling. Miyuki giggled too.  
  
"Sure."  
  
Miyuki held a light bulb up and it's light flashed on and then off again. Bleech starting gasping for air.  
  
"It's still... Kinda small. In fact, I think it got smaller," said Miyuki, staring at it. Bleech looked at it.  
  
"Nah, he's just shy."  
  
- - - - -  
  
So, something had to be done. Well, I don't think it had to, but you know how leaders can be, if it's not to their standards, it's time to change it. So, Miyuki held a meeting of some kind.  
  
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"Let it be known that our race cannot be known for such small... THINGs!" shouted Miyuki, to the cheering crowd. They were supporting banners with images of... THINGs on them, along with mascots with... THINGs in little hats and dresses. "So, I will be giving this male here, [A/N - She never bothered to learn his name] a new test... A... THINGendectomy, or something. I dunno. Just you guys go away, I'll sort this problem out if it kills me!"  
  
- - - - -  
  
So, Bleech had the surgery. And, afterwards, Miyuki came for a visit.  
  
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"It looks kind of... Not good," Miyuki said, tilting her head to the side.  
  
"Where!?" shouted Bleech. He was in a harness leaning back because of the pain, so couldn't look around very well. "I can't see it! Is it bigger!?" he cried, trying to look at his... THING.  
  
"Well, I guess it's bigger if you kinda... Squint?" Miyuki tried looking at it in all kinds of different ways. "Wait, no... How about if you look to the lef... Nah, it's not bigger."  
  
The doctor looked outraged. "There can be no way it's smaller! I did a bang-up job on his... THING!" he shouted, pointing at it, showing Miyuki images of it before the operation.  
  
"So... You mean, you did a bang-up job on him? You did a BJ on his... THING?" she asked. The doctor nodded excitedly.  
  
"It was VERY exciting!" he cried.  
  
- - - - -  
  
So, after a bunch of other failed experiments, mainly resulting in a further shrinking on Bleech's... THING, Miyuki gave up.  
  
"There's got to be some kind of way to compensate..." she muttered to herself, in her ship. She looked about it, thinking of how big her ship could be.  
  
She clicked her fingers.  
  
"I've got it!"  
  
"Got what?" asked the same pilot from earlier. "Herpes? You got herpes? If you have, I don't want them!" Miyuki raised an eyebrow at him.  
  
"No! We're going to make a bigger ship, a massive one! And we'll call it..." Miyuki squinted, trying to think of a name. "We'll call it..."  
  
"The Herpes Mobile?"  
  
"Shut up! We need a good name... One that is so good it has to be written in big capital letters!" cried Miyuki. She jumped out of her seat. "I've got it!"  
  
"Got what? Herpes?"  
  
Miyuki grabbed the pilot and threw him out of the airlock. "The name shall be... The MASSIVE!"  
  
Bleech randomly appeared for some kind of random reason. "Can it be called the MASSIVE... THING?" he asked. Miyuki shook her head sadly. "How about... Bleech has a huge... THING?"  
  
"That's not capitalised!"  
  
"Oh yeah..."  
  
- - - - -  
  
So that is the story of why the MASSIVE is so massive... It's compensating for the size of their... THINGS.  
  
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A/N - So, anyways, I hope you enjoyed that stupid story. It's... Yeah. Review please. 


End file.
